Chapter 10
Lorcan They carried me with as much care as one would a sack of potatoes. My muscles screamed with every bump and jolt. Bringing me back to my cell, they placed me on my back against the straw. A bowl of water was set at my side, like the dog I had become. Then, they left me alone in the dark.
Thirsty as I was, I knew my wrists were too weak to support me should I attempt to roll over and lap at the bowl. So instead, I laid there for maybe more, maybe less still as could be, and tried to make sense of what had transpired. The rack was brutal—the pain indescribable—make no mistake of that. But even with my shredded muscles, already I could feel my body healing. It was madness to think, but my body proved it true. I should not have been able to rotate my ankles from the deep rope burns and cuts they had been subjected to, but I could. My wrists, too, seemed to strengthen with each passing moment. My shoulders and hips, which snapped and delivered an unbearable pain throughout my body, seemed severely sore, but no longer dislocated.
All of this was boggling to the mind and even more alarming to my senses. But the thing I could not deny was what they had done to my chest. The magistrate made sure the red-hot iron was shown to me before it was seared into my skin. I tried as best I could to prepare for the pain that would ignite my torso, for I would not be able to pull away as my mind would instinctually command my body to do. But when they set their seal upon my skin…I did not feel the burn.
Slowly, I moved my hand to my chest. I needed to touch the wound, feel the mutilated mark, and
try to understand. My fingers found the scarred flesh that took up the majority of my torso. But it was not tender. It felt like it had been done to me months before, not moments. In some areas, the skin was smooth like fresh skin had already grown over in its place. Nothing made sense, and now I had a new fear: What would the king do if he knew I had healed?
Then there was the princess. She had kissed me the night before. Perhaps she had placed some enchantment over me, one that would take away my pain. It sounded absurd, but so did the idea of a man repairing his torn, burnt flesh.
****
Days passed. The only way to tell was by the changing of the food plate and water bowls, and the emptying of my bucket. No one spoke to me. I could be blistering with fever from my wounds, and they wouldn’t know the difference. I lay in the hay when they entered, covering my chest the way an animal licks at its wounds so they wouldn’t see. I was almost completely healed.
On the fifth day, the door to my cell opened after I had already been given my supper. My eyes had grown accustomed to making out the shadows of my cell. This was not a guard nor a rat. It was a most beautiful apparition.
“I wanted to come sooner, but my father has kept the castle under close watch since the night of the poisoning. I only come to you now for he is in council meetings with Raelan.”
I remained in the corner, ashamed she had to see me like this. “Why do you come at all? A dungeon is no place for a princess.”
“It’s not a place for an innocent man, either.” She crept closer. “Is there anything I can do for your pain? I’ve brought ointments and a fresh shirt. I saw they tore your last one in two.”
“The shirt is much appreciated. As for the pain…I have none.” Gods! Why was I being honest? I should have feigned weakness and just taken her ointments. As it were, she shouldn’t be here. Should her father catch her, he would punish her, princess or not.
Isolde dropped to her knees, her beautiful gown undoubtedly getting soiled from the floor. “There is no need to be brave.” She reached out for my arm, but I recoiled. “Your silence alone as they ran the iron into your flesh was the bravest thing I have ever seen.” Her voice was melancholy, the emotion reaching out to me in the darkness. But I couldn’t answer her. In her eyes, I was already a pathetic creature whom she gave her pity. I couldn’t have her look at me as if I were a monster as well.
“What of my mother?”
“She is home at your cottage in the woods. I had my guard stand watch day and night to make sure no one would harm her.”
I felt my eyes water and a lump form in my throat at her generosity and concern over the only family I had left. “Your Highness is most kind.”
“Lorcan…why won’t you speak to me like you used to?”
“My Lady Isolde, there is no use to. The time that passed between us can never be returned. You are to be married and reign. I am but a servant. It always was. We knew this.”
“Lorcan,” her voice broke with a whimper, “you know my affections for you are more than just a princess who sees the adoration of a loyal servant.”
“Affections, my princess.” I sighed. “I am not worthy of your affections. I thank you again for the shirt and the protection of my mother. I will be released in two days, perhaps we will journey overseas. We cannot ask for your protection forever, and a man who attempts to assassinate the king will not be easily welcomed back into the kingdom.” I coughed to try and disguise my emotions. “Please do not seek me out again.”
“Lorcan, I begged my father for mercy!” Her voice was shaking. “I did not want any of this to happen to you-“
“There is nothing you have done. I told you before, the pain will fade. My memories will remain intact. But that is all they are, my princess. Memories. It would be foolish to categorize them as anything else.”
I was grateful for the dark, for although I thought I heard her sob, I could not confirm it. “I see.
I thought you had loved me, but you had just loved me the way all subjects are required to love their rulers. Nothing more. Nothing less.” She flung the shirt and the ointments in my direction and ran out the door. The slam echoed throughout the dungeon.
Oh, Isolde. It is because I love you that I have to let you go.